Getting to know one of the two most important figures in my life has been a life-long challenge. My father joined the military when he was 18 years old and spent the next 23 years in service to our country. I was too young to realize that I really needed him in my life. I was also too young to realize where he was most of the time. In those 23 years of service, he was stationed all over the world. With a unique skill, he was asked to be everywhere: training fellow service members, and working with military contractors to make technological advancements to our fighting vehicles.
He loved it, because he got to use his hands and aid in innovation. This is an area where we are the same, and I loved working with him on the 1979 Pontiac Trans-Am we had parked in the garage. When he was home, we would connect through customizing that car. Neither of us would say much while we worked, but I still recall learning to know the difference in wrench sizes when he would ask for one.
We had a large family and his time at home was really limited. So all of my siblings and I vied for his attention. Looking back, this must have been really overwhelming. One thing I knew he couldn’t control was how long and how often he would be at home with us.
Frankly, I just did not understand the type of impact my dad being away would have on my life.
As I grew older, I did not value relationships as much. I became a loner and took on every challenge in front of me. I rarely sought out opportunities to work with others, because I knew they would let me down. In doing so, I missed out on a number of opportunities in my life. (This isn’t a letter of regret, more of something I learned about myself long ago and how that applies to me now.)
As a result, I grew fearful of rejection.
I learned to avoid “no”.
I knew that if I gave anyone an opportunity to tell me no, I would ball up and walk away. So for me, there was never an alternative.
When it comes to building products, we often share this fear or rejection. We avoid saying "no" to customers because we worry about the consequences.
What if they find an alternative?
What if they leave?
These thoughts haunt us and prevent us from taking risks, from pushing boundaries, and from fully embracing the potential of our products.
But here's the thing: fear is holding us back. It's keeping us in our comfort zones, limiting our growth, and hindering our ability to innovate. The truth is, rejection is a natural part of life and business. It's not an indication of failure, but rather an opportunity for growth and improvement. When we are held back we miss out on valuable feedback, collaboration, and potential partnerships with our customers.
By avoiding "no," we deny ourselves the chance to learn from our customers, to understand their needs and pain points, and to iterate on our products accordingly. Instead of viewing rejection as a personal attack or a sign of failure, let's re-frame it as a stepping stone towards success.
Every "no" brings us closer to finding the right "yes."
I’ve had the great opportunity to work with intelligent individuals that have challenged my philosophies and fears. I’ve since learned to embrace “no” and instead find the challenge of turning that into a “yes” (or finding another “yes” elsewhere).
I can’t help but think about the time I was able to spend with my father and imagine the types of challenges he faced while away on duty.
What are some ways you face rejection?
What have been some guiding principles to help you understand this fear and face it?
Join the conversation below.