I was on the sideline at my daughter’s soccer match a few weekends ago. They were playing so well, and at times I could see my kiddo holding back. So I took a moment, and called out to her “Be a cheetah!” This is her favorite animal, and I was wanting her to channel all her inner cheetah to play carefree, and just have fun. After the game, she came off in tears, and I jumped into protective dad mode.
Why was she so upset?
Was she hurt?
Did someone say something to her?
Was she not having fun?
There are two types of help:
The help people ask for: solicited.
The help people don’t ask for: unsolicited.
And, yeah, people respond differently to both.
I learned long ago that not everyone will ask for help. I have also learned that not everyone wants help. So how do you balance the two? In my opinion, knowing is what separates the best leaders.
I often pride myself on being able to assess situations like this and provide just enough feedback to get the best out of my teams. So I was caught off-guard by my daughter’s response when I asked her why she was so sad.
“I didn’t like the pressure you were putting on me.”
My heart sank. She was right.
I never asked her if this was okay. I jumped across a boundary I didn’t know was there. I coached in a moment when she was only looking for validation. I apologized and told her that I would not do that again.
Oftentimes, we don’t look through the lens of those we are helping. This is when we get in trouble. The assumptions we make can be devastating to the people we are trying to help. As coaches/leaders, we should analyze and listen, before jumping in to solve a problem.
What process do you go through before helping your teams?